Venus vs Malia Round 5

Well, she clearly wins this one!

Venus vs Malia Round 4

Venus vs Malia Round 3

  

Venus vs Malia Round 2

               

Venus vs Malia Round 1

 

A Shout Out To All My Tomboys!

Calamity Jane, the real thing, not Doris Day

Mary Badham as Scout in "To Kill A Mockingbird"

TLC's Lisa "Left Eye" Lopez, RIP

Ellen Page

Beauty, Desire, Love

Then 5th grade came along, and my girlfriends were getting asked out on dates.  Not real dates, clearly because we were only in the 5th grade, but "would you sit next to me at lunch?", or "would you play with me at recess?" type dates.  One girl's mother even accompanied she and her boyfriend on a date to the movies. 


I was still scratching up my knees playing dodgeball.  I threw the ball so hard sometimes that my teacher would make me sit out of the game because I was hurting my classmates.  It's what made me popular.  


I was super strong, but my running sucked; on and off the playground because I was starting to get left behind.  Social activity wasn't at recess anymore.  It was during class with love notes, "Will you be my girlfriend? Yes or No ".  


Cupid wasn't sending any letters my way, and I felt for the first time emotionally hurt by my male classmates. I was no longer the coolest chick in class.  For the first time I wanted to be wanted.  The Greeks believed that which is beautiful is loved.  Well if it was that easy (darn, I would learn later that it wasn't), I would have to beautify myself.


I started wearing my hair COMBED down, not just for picture day, and the first day of school.  I wore my better shirts, which I clearly believed were flannels, not the hand me down t-shirts my mom would get from conferences at work.  I stopped eating leftover pieces of chicken for a midnight snack because I saw my big belly for the first time, and I made my mom buy me new jeans where the bottom of the jean actually touched my shoe.  I didn't know anything was wrong with my jeans until my dad came to me one day and said "Are you waiting for a flood?".  Apparently my jeans that were kissing my ankles were called "high waters".  


I learned beauty and fashion.  And as a result I also learned beauty and conforming.  For the first time I wanted to look like and be like everyone else.  I trained myself to want what everyone wanted; beauty, which would lead to love. And I used an attempted mimicry of Venus as my tool to build what I didn't know would be a house of insecurity.


I showcase my beauty first, instead of my strength.  Like with dodgeball, I'm afraid it might hurt.

I'm still learning that love should come first.   That which is loved feels beautiful.  

Venus Started Creeping In....AGH!

This is my 4th grade 1st day of school photo.  I wanted to look tough, but I also kind of, sort of, wanted to look cute (darn!).  I couldn't let the sneakers and baggy shorts go, and I couldn't accomplish the chest, but I COULD swing my hips a little.  And I was really excited about my hair, which my mom crimped for my special day. 


I also noticed my guy friends looking at me differently when I arrived at school.  The typical walk from the school bus to the classroom door felt like a runway.  I didn't know if I liked it.  I mean I liked the attention, but I didn't want to lose my friends.  


But that's the fine line between beauty and desire Eco says in History of Beauty .  Beauty is when you can look at a beautiful tree, and can walk away.  But if you want to take an apple, that's desire.  I didn't want to be taken away, but I liked being admired.


Question: Can't a girl get both?


Answer: No, not unless he has a girlfriend.  Wait, I retract, no.

100% Black

And the pride I felt in being a black woman correlated with my ideas of strength in beauty.  


Venus has soft thighs. Adonis has hard abs.  Venus looks passive.  Adonis looks like he's ready to attack.


This ideal strength was desired beyond the physical beauty, and because of my upbringing it was planted in my soul.  This made me happy.  This made me feel beautiful.


Venus was dolled up.   


I was 100% Black


"All Natural, No Preservatives" (the text on the back of the shirt)

Dad and Ducks

And maybe I just wanted to see the same strength in myself that I saw in my dad.  I thought that would please me.  


I saw strength in my mother, but gaged it by her shape, her height, her suit, her voice, the way she managed her staff and students. 


But strength knew no frame.  So this type of beauty, I could attain.  


It was closer to reach for than Venus.  In fact, the only thing I had in common with her was the long hair.  But without breasts, or hips, I didn't measure up.  So it was easier to be an okay looking tomboy, to a lacking woman.  


The "Bobbi" costume fit better than "Malia".


I was wearing my hair down in this photo because I was feeding ducks, but if I was playing dodgeball...

Shaq Attack

I wanted to be big and strong and I desired the same in men.  I had a huge crush on Shaq at this age!

Hoop Dreams

And after I conquered the world, I wanted to conquer the basketball court.  I wanted to be big and strong.  I was attracted to the same in men.  

Malia Columbus Finn

At this age, I admired Christopher Columbus.  I wanted the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria.  I wanted to travel the globe, and eventually touch all the 7 continents.  


I was also intrigued by Huckleberry Finn, and all the adventures the Mississippi River had to offer.


Beauty was more function than style when I looked at myself.  I didn't think, "Do I look good?", I thought "Can I climb this rock?"

The Birth of Bobbi

Welcome to the "Bobbi" point of view on beauty.  Who's Bobbi?  She's a girl, or now woman (darn), who's father, in his secret wishes wanted her to be a boy (I guess the cat's out of the bag). But instead ended up with another beautiful, (I pleased his soul when I came into the world, so according to Plotinus, I have beauty), yet insecure girl who can't seem to please her own soul (darn), so in a first attempt to imbed strength, he gave me his name.  


And though a girl, I gave him a son (no, I don't have a...you know, my mother could be reading this ok?) to play and watch sports with.  I gave him someone to shoot hoops with, and later "one of the boys" to have a beer with.  


But now instead of wearing sneakers, I wear heels.  Instead of wearing my hair pulled back in ponytails so tight, I got headaches, I let it rest in front of my shoulders, and my forehead too (that's another story on beauty, and yes, mother, I know you have some input on the matter).  Instead of taping my chest down, I might show a tease of my valleys, but never my peaks.


This was my transformation from Adonis to Venus.  Or maybe I found a balance between the two.  I work to look beautiful, but I play hard.  I like my smooth skin, but love the battle scars on my knees, this dual perspective, this tomboy in me. This Bobbi and that Bobby.  


Let's explore the gender based beauty standards of each and what happens when they cross the line.